Macon and Shelia Blanks of Mulberry Street North Wildwood woke to an unwelcome visitor in their home.  “The neighbor’s python broke into the house again on the day we were supposed to go to the fertility clinic with my sperm sample.  When I woke up, the snake was wrapped around my neck” says Mr. Blanks. “Being choked really revved me up, so I had a voluminous load that day.  But fighting off the snake made us run late, so I grabbed some chicken nuggets and a cup of ranch dip

Wildwood has been cited for microaggressions against the local animal ecosystem by the New Jersey Ministry of Diverse Animal Protection. A few of the directives from the state include: “Crab” implies a bad attitude and damages the animal’s self-esteem. It should instead be referred to as a “feisty.” Cats should no longer be called “pussies,” but rather “smileys.” Seagulls should be referred to as “seathems” when their gender is unknown. Deputy Mayor Ronald McDonna of Wildwood

A group of travelers known as the Vagellans  are devoted to uncovering hidden erotic imagery in architecture. Recently, the group has flocked to St. Matthew’s Church in New York to view a stained-glass window depicting Satan with a massive erection taunting a kneeling St. Peter, as well as to the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C., where they found a carving of U.S. President Richard Nixon with a bomb lodged in his rectum. Their latest and most unexpected discovery, how

The Wildwood High School girls’ math team was originally named the “Whole Sums” when St. Anne’s Church served as their sponsor. After...

“There was a loud noise—like that sound Godzilla makes—a giant boom, and then a tsunami of poo, sixty feet high, slammed into the pier,” ...

Rotundo Grimace has been elected to the Wildwood City Council despite campaigning completely naked, save for a single sock covering his genitals. His slogan, “Expose Everything,”  and his pledge to root out corruption and runaway spending proved popular with voters. His message also resonated with the 28% of Wildwood residents employed in prostitution or accounting positions that require working in the nude. The State of New Jersey has filed a pre-emption against Wildwood and

For the first time this year, robots were allowed to compete in the Wildwood Cornhole Championship. The tournament follows USAA scoring...

“The new ‘Flik Our Balls’ campaign is really paying off. We’ve had three visitors this year!”  says Sylvia Stern-Stallone, general...

“Me and the boys were sitting around drinking. I was in the middle of telling a joke—just about to hit the punchline—when this horrific stench filled the room. Then my dad calls out from his wheelchair, ‘I’ve pooped.’ That’s when I knew I’d be dropping him off at the dump the next day,”  says Kareem Abdul-Wong of Hildreth Street, Wildwood. The Wildwood Sanitation Department has noticed a sharp increase in residents dropping off their elderly parents at the local dump. “I used

Karl “Snotty” Burger of Wisteria Lane owns a Great Dane named Cheech, whom he insists is addicted to marijuana. When Cheech gets high, he...

The Wildwood Police are investigating a series of indecent exposure incidents targeting a group of elderly birdwatchers. The perpetrator...

Holly Nunsdick of Palm Avenue was walking her dog by the bay when she made a shocking discovery. “I was taking a morning stroll when I...

Out Magazine ’s annual poll for the "Gayest" convenience store/gas station has crowned the Wildwood Wawa on Rio Grande Avenue as this...

Officials at the New Jersey Organ Procurement Organization (OPO) have officially banned organ donations from residents of Wildwood, NJ....

Devin Bacon of Millville, NJ, longs to once again witness the majesty of Wildwood’s dolphins. Those same majestic dolphins are currently...

Alcoholics Anonymous - 37.2% Roman Catholic - 30.6% Eating - 12.1% Gay Amish - 9.5% Pokemon - 8.3% Other - 2.3%

"I didn’t go to McDonald’s for a facelift—I just wanted a milkshake and accidentally ordered the wrong number at the drive-thru," says...

This past Saturday, the 15th annual Wildwood Polar Bear Plunge took place at Heather Street Beach in Wildwood Crest. The event drew a...

Benjamin Recht has been teaching fourth-grade math at Glenwood Avenue Elementary for 22 years. He’s deeply concerned about his students’...

Residents of Toledo Avenue in Wildwood Crest insist the COVID-19 vaccine completely changed a local man. "Before COVID, Johnny was an...