A New Scanner Has Been Installed On The Wildwood Boardwalk That Rates Your Homosexuality From 1-100.

Moreys has added a new attraction at Adventure Pier, a scanner that rates a person’s level of homosexuality from 1-100.  Known as the Gay O’Meter, the device has drawn large crowds and enthusiastic responses - especially when someone scores a ‘69’ prompting the entire crowd to scream “Dude” in unison.

Doug Bumfiller of Vineland was among the first to be scanned.  “It dinged, shot glitter everywhere, and announced ‘88 — Queer,’” he said. “Boardwalk technology is never wrong, so I immediately divorced my wife.”

Janet Morbido of Palm Street in Wildwood Crest rolled the casket of her recently deceased husband through the scanner.  The machine rang out with “84 – Rotten Fruit”, confirming Ms. Morbido’s suspicions about her husband. Township officials have stepped in to request residents refrain from parading dead carcasses down the boardwalk.

Moreys claims the Gay O’Meter uses an advanced algorithm based on genetic and behavioral markers found during the scan. Further investigation revealed the meter is not high tech, it is operated by a sixteen-year-old seasonal employee with binoculars who assigns scores based on clothing and walking style.

Editor’s note: The editor of pulpwild.com received the highest heterosexuality score ever recorded. Following the reading, mechanical arms emerged from the scanner and ironed his shirt.