A Flock Of Geese Has Been Stealing Jet Skis And Returning Them With A "Honk If You're Horny" Bumper Sticker

A flock of geese has been feasting on fermented berries leaving the birds inebriated. The intoxicated birds have been stealing jet skis from Wildwood residents. After sobering up, the remorseful geese return the jet skis covered in goose splatter, with a bumper sticker attached that reads, “Honk if you’re horny.”

Normally, geese committing felony larceny and vandalism would be frowned upon. However, some good has come from the situation. Many of the jet ski owners have been honked at by other “horny” residents, which has led to several serious relationships—and even one engagement.

“I have always liked horny, aggressive women,” said Barney Hubble of Hildreth Road. Hubble was wiping goose droppings off his jet ski exposing the bumper sticker when Bubble Varney of Spicer Avenue drove by and honked her horn. “I was hooked,” said Mr. Hubble. After a whirlwind four-week romance, the couple is now engaged.

“The wedding is in a month,” Hubble added. “And in the honeymoon suite after the reception, I’m splattering the new Mrs. Hubble like a human jet ski—in tribute to the geese.”