Wildwood Installs Unusually Bright Billboard That Is Causing Chaos On The Roads

The city of Wildwood installed a large LED sign on the way into town to display public service announcements and advertisements. However, the sign’s brightness has been blamed for 57 car crashes, resulting in 34 hospitalizations and three deaths. It is now the second-leading cause of auto accidents in Wildwood, behind 'being a retard.'

Ross Quito, a Wildwood resident, was driving back into town when the sign flashed an advertisement for pest control. Blinded by the light, Mr. Quito struck a pile of gravel and was launched through the wall of the Urgent Care medical facility on Rio Grande Avenue.

“I was lucky to have hit an Urgent Care,” says Mr. Quito. “My hand was broken, and I needed some stuff removed from my ass that may or may not have been lodged there during the crash. I made a joke to the staff—‘a real medical breakthrough’—but no one laughed.”

“There's been a lot of attention focused on the horrific injuries, but why is no one talking about the lost government revenue?” asks Wildwood Councilwoman Anu Sfartez. “This billboard was supposed to be a huge revenue generator, but instead, we installed a giant human bug zapper.”