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For 15th Year In A Row All Members Of Polar Bear Plunge Are White…Not One Black Person Offended.
This past Saturday, the 15th annual Wildwood Polar Bear Plunge took place at Heather Street Beach in Wildwood Crest. The event drew a...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Jan 4, 20251 min read


Wildwood Educator Has Perfected The Blood Alcohol Level Necessary To Teach Fourth Grade Math.
Benjamin Recht has been teaching fourth-grade math at Glenwood Avenue Elementary for 22 years. He’s deeply concerned about his students’...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Dec 1, 20241 min read


COVID Vaccine Completely Changed A Local Man.
Residents of Toledo Avenue in Wildwood Crest insist the COVID-19 vaccine completely changed a local man. "Before COVID, Johnny was an...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Oct 27, 20241 min read


The Secret Garden - I Didn't Know I Was In A Gay Marriage
"I would blackout and wake up bruised and aching. After a 30-pack of Miller Lite, I thought maybe I was doing something heroic, like...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Oct 18, 20241 min read


Older Italians Give Back To The Community And Start Bocce Camp For Pre-Teens.
“After a kid has a few sips of Chianti, you see them lock in,” says Gino Ganoosh, President of the Wildwood Bocce Club. Mr. Ganoosh...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Sep 30, 20241 min read


Rio Grande Taco Bell Installs Disposable Underwear Dispenser If You Have More Than A Two Minute Drive Home
John Filler of Wildwood Crest was hosing out his car after picking up a Chalupa and a 68oz Mountain Dew when his wife, Cookie, told him...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Jul 8, 20241 min read


Italian Family Riding Four-Seater Bike Spends Whole Ride Talking About Food. No One Is Steering Because Everyone Speaks With their Hands.
Ettore Gonneria, a member of the Flying Gonneria family from West Wildwood, explains their newfound hatred of fitness. "Collectively, the...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Jun 20, 20241 min read


Pet Waste Station Poop Bags Purchased By Wildwood Crest Accidentally Inscribed With KFC Slogans
"Am I getting $6 for this?" asked Ben Saint-Tropez, who found the words '3 Pieces For $5.99' printed on the side of the poop bag he had...
Slow Tony Fabulous
Jun 3, 20241 min read


Steve’s Prince Of Steaks Criticized For Staying Open Too Late By Tina Princess Of Steaks.
“I just want to get my meat into as many people as possible.” says Steve Prince of Steaks.
Slow Tony Fabulous
May 29, 20241 min read


Increased Potholes On Pacific Avenue Caused By “Fatties” Patronizing Britton's Bakery.
Residents of Wildwood Crest between the 5200 & 5700 blocks of Pacific Avenue expressed concern about the numerous large potholes and constant tremors in the area over the past few years. The city council requested the help of the Army Corp of Engineers after the township’s best guess of “A Large Lizard” was rejected by Crest taxpayers. The result of the study performed by the Corps of Engineers found the cause of the tremors and deep potholes is the average weight of a patro
Slow Tony Fabulous
May 29, 20241 min read


Wildwood Names Beach Near Sewer Pipe “The Chocolate Jacuzzi”. Marketing Cheaper Than Health Infrastructure.
The beach at Spencer Avenue has been renamed “The Chocolate Jacuzzi” by the Wildwood City Council. A high volume sewer pipe was...
Slow Tony Fabulous
May 28, 20241 min read


Deputy Mayor Unsure If Anyone Has Ever Been In The John Von Savage Pool
“No one swims indoors during the summer and no one in town during the winter is able to swim…so why are we spending money to heat this...
Slow Tony Fabulous
May 26, 20241 min read
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