Elderly Birdwatchers Being Harassed By Man Leaving Pictures Of His Genitals In Trees For Group To Find

The Wildwood Police are investigating a series of indecent exposure incidents targeting a group of elderly birdwatchers. The perpetrator has been leaving photographs of male genitalia covered in feathers in trees along the group’s usual trails.

That old whore Helen

Sixty-eight-year-old Glennys Wood of Glenwood Street in Wildwood described an encounter she had while birdwatching.  “I was walking the usual trail looking for blue jays when I spotted some exquisite colors up in a sycamore. I focused with my binoculars, and instead of a bird, it was an 8x10 photo of a schlong covered in red feathers.”

When asked to describe the assailant, Mrs. Wood responded, “About five and a half inches tall, short-cropped black hair, Middle Eastern complexion, a distinctive mole above a couple of nuts, and wearing a helmet.”

The Wildwood Police take indecent exposure seriously—even in a town where most residents wear bathing suits. Interestingly, the elderly women don’t seem to mind the pictures. In fact, membership in the birdwatching group has doubled since the photos began appearing.

Helen Jiggler-Balls of North Wildwood was so surprised to see one of the pictures on the trail that her teeth fell out. Her friends laughed, many exclaiming that “old whore-bag Helen always takes out her teeth when there are dicks around.” Helen simply smiled and said, “Everyone knows my favorite bird is the swallow.”