The Secret Garden - I Didn't Know I Was In A Gay Marriage

"I would blackout and wake up bruised and aching. After a 30-pack of Miller Lite, I thought maybe I was doing something heroic, like fighting minorities, but it turns out I’ve been married to my roommate Jim all along. Apparently, I’m what they call a 'bottom,'" says Gary Fuchs of Wildwood, who only recently discovered that he's been in a gay marriage for two years.

Gary decided to see a doctor after waking up each day with a sore throat and barely able to walk. "The doctor suggested that maybe Jim and I should ease up on the rough love-making. I was pretty shocked to hear that, considering up until that point I thought I was heterosexual. The doctor said he assumed we were married because Jim listed me as his 'spouse' on the admission paperwork. Apparently, I also have a tattoo above my buttocks that reads 'Jim’s Dick Garden'."

"I guess I’ve missed some pretty important things happening between Jim and me."