Increased Potholes On Pacific Avenue Caused By “Fatties” Patronizing Britton's Bakery.

Residents of Wildwood Crest between the 5200 & 5700 blocks of Pacific Avenue expressed concern about the numerous large potholes and constant tremors in the area over the past few years.  The city council requested the help of the Army Corp of Engineers after the township’s best guess of “A Large Lizard” was rejected by Crest taxpayers.

The result of the study performed by the Corps of Engineers found the cause of the tremors and deep potholes is the average weight of a patron at Brittons Bakery (corner of Pacific and Buttercup) is 271.4 pounds.   Lieutenant Alex Facetime of the Corps explained the situation “If you have roads built on top of sand and a sudden surge of sixty or seventy, three-hundred-pound lards desperate for donuts, you’ll have an inevitable collapse in the street."

Today the potholes, affectionately called “Road Fritters” by residents are less frequent after Brittons installed a long chute to herd patrons into the door at intervals to disperse the weight and avoid the constant sweaty pushing of the past.