Residents Concerned About Wildwood High School Girls Math Team's New Name - The Sum Dumpsters

The Wildwood High School girls’ math team was originally named the “Whole Sums” when St. Anne’s Church served as their sponsor. After Father Donegan returned to prison and the church withdrew its funding, Arnold’s Bulk Lube stepped in as the new sponsor, and the team adopted a very different persona. “The club is now called the Sum Dumpsters, and the girls dress like hookers,” says a conflicted Principal Michael Mudslide.

The reaction to the Sum Dumpsters has been overwhelmingly positive among the boys at the school. They seem eager to celebrate smart women—as long as they’re wearing short skirts and use foul language. Some boys even collect trading cards of their favorite Sum Dumpster team members. Tickets to math tournaments have sold for as much as $200, forcing organizers to move the events from the high school to the convention center to meet demand. “The crowd goes wild when the girls slide down the pole during their introduction,” admits a very conflicted Principal Mudslide.

“Is anyone else disturbed by the blatant objectification of teenage girls at the local high school?” asks concerned parent Carla Bigtitez.