Local Whale Breaks Up With Girlfriend. Destroys Moreys Pier After Holding In Fart Since They Started Dating.

“There was a loud noise—like that sound Godzilla makes—a giant boom, and then a tsunami of poo, sixty feet high, slammed into the pier,” says Morey’s employee Jazelle Rippoff. “It knocked the joint right outta my hand.”

After an investigation by Wildwood’s Whale Crimes Division, it was discovered that a whale named Fudgie had been holding in a fart to make a good impression on his new girlfriend. Following a breakup, Fudgie finally released the long-suppressed gas, which destroyed parts of Mariners Pier.

Most Wildwood residents have been forgiving toward the whale after investigators revealed Fudgie broke up with his girlfriend because she was a Dallas Cowboys fan.

The City of Wildwood and the State of New Jersey, however, have been less forgiving toward Morey’s Pier after the wave that struck the Ferris wheel revealed it was constructed mostly out of cardboard.